This kid has some awesome parents.

I am not Christian; I am a complete non-believer.  Yet I have no qualms whatsoever in celebrating Christmas.  To me, Christmas has about as much to do with Christianity as Thanksgiving or Halloween (i.e. not at all).  Christmas is about family, presents, cheer, food, and cookies (and maybe a little caroling).  The divine birth, three wise men, and mangers never seem to really come to mind.

In fact, I imagine that this is generally true for many Americans, even Christians.  The prominent figures of this month are Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, not Balthazar, Melchior, and Caspar (who happen to be the three wise men, who knew?).  We adorn our houses with decorated pine trees and lights, not frankincense and myrhh.

So let’s just come out and declare what is already fairly obvious: Christmas is an American holiday.  Not a Christian holiday.  An American holiday.

Now that we have that cleared up, I feel like Bill O’Reilly will be simultaneously enraged and ecstatic.  First, the suggestion that Christmas is a secular holiday will surely drive him bonkers, but the prize in this distinction is that no one should have any qualms with having MERRY CHRISTMAS emblazoned on our shopping malls in 3 ft. letters, just as no one ever worries about saying “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Let me be clear.  I’m not trying to destroy any religious celebrations that happen to coincide with Christmas.  Jews have been celebrating Hannukah very close to it for years and years.  Therefore, I’m sure Chrsistians will be just fine adding their dose of religiosity to the season.

So, lets recap:

1. Christmas is an American holiday.
2. Christians are more than welcome to add religiosity to the event.
3. There is no need for “Happy Holidays,” since Christmas is now an American holiday.
4. Americans can give Christmas presents to any other person that culturally identifies with America.

I might add that these new rules work out especially well for Jews, as they could celebrate Hannukah and receive gifts, and then celebrate Christmas and receive more gifts.  Or maybe Jews could stop kidding themselves and let Hannukah revert to its status as a minor religious holiday, now that the arms race is no longer needed:

In North America especially, Hanukkah gained increased importance with many Jewish families in the latter half of the twentieth century, including large numbers of secular Jews, who wanted a Jewish alternative to the Christmas celebrations that often overlap with Hanukkah. Though it was traditional to give “gelt” or money coins to children during Hanukkah, in many families this has changed into gifts in order to prevent Jewish children from feeling left out of the Christmas gift giving.

Now there’s no one left out.  Merry Christmas.