After a favorable response to my last set of Nigerian scam-guy e-mails, I decided to keep the ball rolling. What follows exceeded my wildest expectations, almost to the point where I’m not totally convinced this isn’t someone I know pulling a prank on me. At any rate, read on…

Also, if anyone’s interested in buying a laptop, please contact me.

They all start the same way:

I read the condition of your item and i was satisfied…Get back to me now and lets talk about it

I’ve gotten I-can’t-tell-you-how-many e-mails like this since I posted my laptop on craigslist. I’d all but given up on non-half assed responses.

Hey Bryan,

I’m getting back to you now. Let’s talk about it.

-Eric

I had low hopes for this one, but Bryan’s response is gold:

Alright, you will have to offer me some help as i need this shipped abroad to my Chatting Boy Friend because i am seriously on assignment with W.H.O. Well, i will pay $1900 for this item including the shipping charges to the place….Kindly get back with your PayPal Email address for the payment so i can pay you via my PayPal account and yuo do the shipping on my behalf to him…Hope to read from you soon

Bryan has a Chatting Boy Friend? I am swollen with jealousy. I want to be Bryan’s Chatting Boy Friend too.

OK Bryan,

My help is offer. I will be your PayPal if you will be my PayPal too. Okay, I friends you. How will I know when I hear back if you accept? Well, I hope we can be great Chatting Boy Friend too I thing he will be much pleased with my item! I hope to read up to you soon too.

Also, I do this one entirely in broken Nigerian-English

Alright …Eric
i got your point…but just send your paypal email address so i can proceed with the payment now….about been my friend there is no qualms….just lets finalize this deal first and continue on been friend….do get back now with your paypal address for the payment…hope to read from you now

Me:

OK Bryan,,

Now that we are Chatting Boy Friends what kind of things do you like to talk? Are you watching Super Bowl Sunday? Me and my Chatting Boy Friend party gettogether takes place before the game on Sunday. We will continue on to get chicken wings (you know????) and cornhole in the closet with taking turns and loud music!! I hope you watch for ad commercials. We can think about which one is favored on Monday via MSN CHAT. OK Bry-bry, I will send paypal soon, you don’t worry about that!

-Eric (your Best Boy Chatting Friend 4 EVER)

Bryan is all business:

You are my boy friend already…but this is time to finalise the deal……as business require no delay….get back to me with your paypal address for the payment , i will then add you to my yahoo messenger for a thorough chat….i dont want to delay the deal at all….send it now or i look elsewhere for it

Me:

OK Bryan,,

It is great to have finalised the deal after all these emails! Now I just need to know the address so I can send you the laptop that you ask for. Also I will send you picture of myself wearing the favorite shirt. I know it is soon to be friens, but do you think I will travel to you to come deliver the packager myself? That way I wil make sure you recieve the laptops and we can meet up and have Super Bowl Sunday Parry? Maybe we can have our own chicken wings and cornhole together? What you think?

What do you like with your W.H.O. assignment? Does it treating you okay??

-Your Boy Friend

I send Bryan my PayPal stuff. He responds:

Hello my boy friend
I have made the payment and PayPal Team have notified me the money has been deducted from my account immediately and get back to me immediately you receive the notification from PayPal Team about the payment…kindly ship out the item today
Here is the shipping address to my niece:

Name:Lateef Seyi M
City:iperu remo
Zip code:121101
State:Ogun State
Country:Nigeria
Tel:2348035587263

Get the Laptop shipped via United State Postal Service(USPS)Priority Mail 5 to 10 days delivery and get back to paypal customer care about the shipping proof and get to me too

He called me boy friend! At this point I follow up with the last message I sent him again because I want to know what he thinks of me coming to visit him. He doesn’t respond for a few hours.

OK Bryan,,

I have not hear from you for like 4 hours maybe. Is everything okay with the order? I have decided that it is better to ship with USPS shipping United States Postal Services. Is it okay to ship the item out tomorrow? First thing! Please let me know. I am worry about you!

The next morning:

Good Morning my Love
sorry been silence it was due to the nature of my work in the office and i could not attend to any emails….i have heard you but ship out the item this morning and send the shipment tracking number to me immediately…..then we can make an arrangement to meet each other to exchange our chicken wing and  cornhole together….hope to hear from you soon

Kindof hard to believe he just wrote that…Me:

Dear Bryan,,

I am sorry but I have find someone else. His name is famous movie star Thomas Cruise. He has win my heart on the silver screen. I am sorry.  It can never work out. The distance has break my heart. Am sure you will understand. Love is a delicate butterfly. I will still ship a self picture with my favorite shirt. I will not forget you.

Bryan, still business:

Well, i could understand you but that do not mean whan it comes to love….Ok, but you supposed to have shipped out my laptop….ship out now and let me here from you in soonest time…..kindly ship it outas i need this to meet his demand….but still have you in mind right…Let me read from you now

Me:

OK Bryann,,

I feel very sadness overtaken me. Communication to you is hard for me now. I feel very awkward. Will you make me feel better first, then I ship laptop? I need this after you toy with my heart. Please write me a poem.

-Eric

PS I am wait anxiously for your response

Bryan:

ALRIGHT
my love for is unstoppable
my love for you is irresistible
my love for you is awesome
while you think of these i discover you are a true lover
but you almost get rid of me if not for my last message quoting you my real love for you
Thank God, i got my love back…you are welcome..my real…Eric

Dude…

OK BRyan,,

That was great poem,  but I have confession to make. I never had laptop this whole time. I was merely on the website looking for love. I am sorry to have fooled you. Will you still love me? Your poem was so real. It made beautiful butterflies in my stumach. Please I am wait to read up from you soon.

Bryan sounds pretty upset:

BUT WHAT THE ABOUT THE MONEY I REMIT IN TO YOUR ACCOUNT…REALLY CURIOUS ABUT YOUR JOKE

Me:

OK Brayn,,

I am sorry to have joked about the sale of the laptop. I never mean to hurt anyone feelings. I am certain you will have access to regain a full refunde of your funds from PayPal. I am sorry. I am sorry Bryan. I will still send picture.

-Eric

Tags: bryan pogatez, Chatting Boy Friend, nigeria

This entry was posted on Friday, January 30th, 2009 at 6:51 pm and is filed under Some Pulp. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.